Blackout
by Fen Jien Ren
Summary: He intertwined their beautiful fingers, looking so perfect together, and he would sometimes wonder why it felt so right when everybody else said it was something so wrong. But no matter what happened, it was the best night of all.


**Blackout** by _Fen Jien Ren_.

There was nothing but darkness before him. It wouldn't matter if he chooses to close his eyes or not, because nothing could be made out no matter how hard he tried—not that he did, though. He was sitting on the floor, back against the cold wall, and looking out of the foggy glass that separated the bedroom and the balcony just outside. He would watch the lightning split the dark sky, and sometimes he would count until the thunder follows the sharp light. He was bored, yes, but he was happy. He was so happy.

Ulquiorra shifted, searching for a new and better posture for his back, and leaned back down to the broad shoulder offered. In his arms, he held his lover's own and had their beautiful fingers intertwined. It looked perfect, even in the night or in the middle of the storm. He would sometimes contemplate, hopelessly search for an answer, as to why it felt so right when everyone else said it was something so wrong.

"_This is preposterous!"_ His father had screamed, the voice booming like the thunders that same stormy night. _"Indecent! Disgraceful! Repulsive!"_

That was the man's exact reaction when he had decided to tell them about the future he chose to have. His usually composed father was frantic the entire time while his mother, who was the one often yelling at him for every mistake he did despite how little, was left speechless . This didn't surprise him, though, because in the beginning, he was just as confused as they were. He didn't know how it happened or when it started. He didn't even know it was possible.

"_This is a mistake!"_

"_Father, I..."_ He tried to reason out for the first time in his life, but gain his father's hand coming harshly on his skin as a reply also for the first time. It almost sent him down to the ground, would've had his head hit the table or anything that could've wounded him, but his _mistake_ was there just behind him to keep him from any harm.

"_Sir,"_ he tried to stand up for him,_ "Please..."_

But he was only met by his father's rage. To him, though, it came in thousands, but Ulquiorra knew that most of them were for him. His parents had high hopes for him, and this was because he was the first and last child that they could have. He never blamed them for this, never hated them even when the face of his lover started to bleed, knees buckling in pain. Still, though, his lover was trying his hardest to stay where he was because there was Ulquiorra, standing right behind him. His lover never wanted him getting hurt... even when he deserved to be hurt.

"_Father, stop! Please!"_ the son cried out, pulling his lover away who kept to where he was standing, fighting the pull from his savior and the pain that was pushing him at the same time. _"Father! Father! Stop it!"_

The raging man only stopped when his wife remembered to move, but the teenager's face was already ruined and all that could be seen in his eyes was the small strength that barely pushed him through every blow that he received. But when Ulquiorra turned him around, the small hands on each of the broad shoulders, all he could do was act like he used to.

"_Guess the monstrous strength runs in the family, huh?"_ He said, chuckling.

Through this, he tried to say that he was okay and that everything was going to be fine, but all that went through his lover's head was blame. In front of him, Ulquiorra broke down crying and all that filled his ears was:

"_I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean this to happen! I... I..."_

Ulquiorra just went on, blaming himself for everything, and everything his lover tried to tell him fell on deaf ears.

"_I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid."_ He told himself, something he would always get from his mother as some kind of an encouragement somehow. _"I'm sorry! I'm stupid! How can you love someone so stupid?!"_

His lover had seen every side of him, even the weirdest things that Ulquiorra had developed through crazy childhood and parenting. Ulquiorra would blame himself for everything even when he had nothing to do with whatever went wrong and this was because of his mother who always told him that he brought hell to them and to everyone else. He was an unwanted child after all which was why his father--or at least the one he came to recognize--had always been silent. His father never cared that he existed... until that night.

"_This is preposterous!_"

Ulquiorra continued to cry, and over and over he would tell himself he was worthless.

"_Indecent!"_

His lover tried to get through him, but all that he ever heard was his father and the words of his mother.

"_Disgraceful!"_

He wanted to believe the loving words, but he couldn't. His lover's parents didn't like him as well.

"_Repulsive!"_

So many names he was called by his parents, and so many times he was described by words he would rather not recall, but that night still was the best one of it all. Even though his lover's face was battered, even though Ulquiorra lost the family that he knew as they had disowned him and kicked him out of the house, even though he had to treat his lover's wounds by himself, even though they didn't have any place to sleep that night, even though he fell into a very huge debt on different people to survive, that was the first night they ever spent together and that was all that mattered.

Ulquiorra found himself smiling, raising their holding hands up to where his eyes could see them in the little light. He heard his lover groan, and perhaps the man was still deep asleep. Ulquiorra went up to his knees, but kept their hands together. He faced his lover, stared at his peaceful face, and sighed.

_Silly kitty._

In the darkness, in the middle of a storm, he always felt nostalgic. Most of the time, he would realize his errors, but what happened to him this night was different. He did not feel bad in remembering the things he did wrong nor did he feel blame coming into his shoulders. This night, he learned to appreciate what he already had. He realized that he neither lost his family nor his home.

_Your hands, they have always been bigger than mine..._

He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lover's cheek. Even though so many things were still wrong, and that most of them were even impossible to get better, Ulquiorra did not mind. He did not make any mistake, and he would say this proudly even when they still had not returned every cent that they borrowed. They managed to rent an apartment now, the both of them had been working hard to keep it, and soon they will have everyone repaid. After that they would get a house. When they get a new house and things were still going well, they would buy a bigger house, and then a dog... or maybe a cat even though his lover always claimed he hated them.

..._perhaps this is the reason why you can hold my whole world in the palm of your hand._

And so his world family was still here. Even when he still didn't have a permanent house, he would always have a home and it would be anywhere beside the man named Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez.

* * *

**FEN:** I'm sorry, but I just can't take this out of my head. I just had to do this or else I wouldn't be able to write anything else! And I also needed some break from all the plates, they're just very redundant. I'll get back to them tomorrow because I have to pass all four plates on Monday, and I haven't even started making the borders and title blocks!

Anyway, a little love, please? I know this fic isn't much, but... still? I'm starting to work on the second chapter of **Beautiful Stranger** now along with the last secret of Grimmjow and Ulquiorra in **Our Greatest Secret**.

Love you all,  
Fen ;3


End file.
